Is four times a week normal?

Much is said about the circulating photos of JLo and Ben Affleck’s honeymoon. Although more so than the one taken in Paris, the most viral photo was, without a doubt, the one Affleck took a nap during a cruise on the Seine that went viral and ended up becoming a meat meme because social networks, that medium which could be as cruel as it is funny, and concluded that the actor’s fatigue could be due to only one thing: the sexual demands of his new wife which, according to rumors, never confirmed but insistently spread by tabloids, would have made him sign his photo. In exchange for marriage before marriage, they would have sex four times a week.

This is how, again, everyone is back to consider whether or not having sex four times a week is normal. Assuming that “normal” exists only from a statistical point of view and as a synonym for the word “frequent” or “habitual”, we must refer to the available data in this respect. There are investigations, such as those he conducted Psychologist Amy Moyes, a professor at York University in Canada, who pointed out that in order to have a happy relationship, the ideal is to have sexual encounters once a week. In addition, he added that increasing this frequency does not mean improving the quality of the relationship between spouses. This way, instead of doing it more or less with the neighbor, the key will be to maintain an active and regular sex life, to maintain a good bond.

Along those lines, a 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior concluded that the average adult has sex 54 times a year. This, according to the old woman’s account, is exactly a weekly sexual encounter.

Of course, these general numbers begin to vary when the analysis is deepened and differences emerge between people who are more or less young or from different countries. In 2012, a global Durex report conducted by consulting firm Harris Interactive revealed that 74% of Spaniards had sexual relations at least once a week. This made Spain the eighth country in terms of sexual frequency, linked to Switzerland, among the 26 analyzed in this list. Greeks and Brazilians led the same with 87% and 82%, respectively. On the other hand, the Japanese were among the Where only one in three reported having had sex in the week prior to the survey, followed by the American population and the Nigerian population (both at 53%).

Indeed, going back to Affleck’s marriage, we must reflect that sexual fervor began to fade among Americans, as the new century entered. Is this me?Report published in JAMA Network Open She noted that from 2000 to 2018, nearly one in three American men between the ages of 18 and 24 reported no sexual activity in the past year. Perhaps this is the reason why Jennifer Lopez, who is of Latin descent, wants to have some sexual security.

In the case of Spain, two years before the outbreak of the epidemic, the Ulysses study, prepared by My Word for 20 minutes, It was concluded that 42.2% of the adult population had had sex at least once a week in the past year. Although this number seemed somewhat lower, it was surprising for lAs people between the ages of 35 and 44, 29% said they had sex with their partners at least three to four times a week. Even half of the people who lived with their partners and children had sex at least once a week.

Reviewing the latest data, it does not appear that the pandemic has dampened desire, quite the contrary. a) yes, Lubricant brand Lubets conducted a survey of 2,000 Spaniards in 2022, noting that the average Spaniard now averages 2.5 times a week, although there are differences between independent communities. For example, in Castilla León, the provincial population of Salamanca was mobile with up to 3.4 relationships per week. However, the figure dropped to 1.8 relationships per week in the case of Cantabria and the Balearic Islands.

Adding stress subtracts from relationships

The problem with all these types of surveys is that they don’t always reflect reality. First of all, because it only measures genital contact, when sexual contact is something that can go much further. And finally, because people respond, consciously or unconsciously, they are pressured to meet this ideal standard that we all seem to have set for ourselves.

General sex surveys in a country like ours are not very reliable, because they usually have a pronounced “social desirability” bias, in which each person answers what they think they “should” answer or what question they want you to hear And not reality ”, this is reflected by the sexologist Ivan Rutella.

Although the main problem is the obsession with mixing numbers and gender. To measure insights (also in a variant, now outdated) rather than thinking about the quality of relationships. This is why the expert sends a clear message: “There is no definite or orderly repetition. There is no rule about how our partner should be. Together we can choose what kind of couple we want to be, and who we are, whether or not it looks like what other people or couples do.

Sexologist Arola Bok agrees. “Measurement in sex is usually of little use. Neither the frequencies, nor the measurements, nor the number of orgasms… The important thing is that we feel satisfied with our sex life and oftentimes it is more about quality than quantity.”

Sexual frequency for life?

Another question that can be asked in the case of JLo and Affleck is whether a lifetime sexual frequency can be determined. As if we, the spouses, or life in general, would not change.

“Determining ex-sexual frequency can become a commitment of ‘we should have sex 3 times a week’ and in sex, obligations and duties end up not doing well. Another different thing is to set yourself as a goal not to neglect your sex life, to give it the importance it has. May This is interesting if we don’t want to go ahead with other commitments,” reflects Poch.

Evan Rotella questions another point to bear in mind, which is that if an analogy does not seem to favor desire, then imposition is incompatible with any healthy relationship. Sexual relations cannot be imposed. Accepting hypotheses does not work even in the short term, it only harms the person who gives in and ends up damaging the relationship as well.

Although these concepts seem basic, the truth is that the issue of sexual indecision is not only about celebrity couples, but also about the many couples who go to a sexologist’s office. As Rotella points out, “There is a presumed social pressure that the number of relationships is directly proportional to how well the spouses perform and this is not necessarily the case at all. Trying to include yourself in a predetermined individual social model of the couple is living relationships without direct contact with people.”

For all of these reasons, as a final reflection, Poch concluded that as much as we put it on paper, desire is not something that responds to contracts. “Sexual desire, one’s and spouse’s circumstances, responsibilities, having children or not… There are many variables that affect potential recurrence and it is normal to change over time. The strange thing is the opposite.”

Thus, it remains only to assume naturally, that there will be phases of passion, and phases of discontinuity And the stages meet again in the nightly marathons, making us need to take a nap, even if it’s on a boat on the Seine.

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